There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
