I accidentally had phone sex last night
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
