So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
