we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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