I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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