I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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