Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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