I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
