Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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