So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
