we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
