Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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