i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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