Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
