Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
