you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
