Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
