i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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