So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
