whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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