Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
