Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
