I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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