i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
