I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
