how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
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