the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
