youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
