OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
