my sisters under your porch take her home
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
