I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
