I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
