Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
