she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
