Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
