i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
