I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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