i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Don't make out with my wife yet
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
