We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
