i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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