i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
