Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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