So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
did you just send me my own nude
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
