I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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