I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I fill condoms, not promises.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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