you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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