so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
