There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
