it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
