i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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